Let me begin with an apology. You did not expect an article on toilets, I know. But after Nagasaki and Hiroshima, I decided to interject some humor, some levity, before I address issues about which it is impossible to laugh.

The Japanese know high-tech. But of all of their technological contributions, nothing comes close to their bathrooms.

Here is my first example. I travel constantly, and probably spend 100 nights or more annually somewhere in some hotel working on some project. Among my pet peeves is the bathroom mirror that fogs after I shower and before I can shave. Invariably I am scrambling for a dry towel, then trying to wipe away the moisture before it reappears. Of course it fogs again as soon as I place razor on skin.

In Japan, they have developed a bathroom mirror that has a heating element in one corner that prevents the mirror from fogging. No matter how obscured the remainder of the mirror might be, this corner is always fog free. Score one for the Japanese.

And what about a bathtub that fills itself, then plays Jesu’ Joy of Man’s Desiring when ready for you to immerse? Score two for the Japanese.

Yet nothing (NOTHING) approaches the panache of a Japanese toilet. This is the Millennium Falcon of toilets, Hans Solo’s throne.  At home I only have to worry about pushing a handle down. In  Japan, to use the toilet is as nerve-racking as programming a DVR. These toilets don’t just flush (normally my only concern). They heat, spray, rinse, dry, and buff. A Japanese toilet is a car wash for your derriere.

I would love to take one home, but I would have to completely rewire and replumb my house. Score three for the Japanese and their toilets. They have elevated a simple biological function to high-tech nirvana.

Ted

18 Mar 2010